A Look at Grief: What is “Normal”?
Just as it is said that there are no two fingerprints or snowflakes that are the same, there is no one picture of grief. Grieving the loss of a loved one is a deeply personal experience. No two people experience grief in the same way, and people grieve in a different way each time they go through it. Grief is as complex and unique as your relationship with the person you are grieving.
Although there is no one single picture of grief, there are certain things that can be expected. Grief manifests itself in both emotional and physical responses. Because grief is a process, rather than a fixed state, it is normal that people experience a variety of different responses as they cope with a loss.
Emotional responses to a loss can be conflicted and confusing. A common reaction is the sensation that the loss is not real. Even when presented with facts, the mind is unwilling to truly accept that the loss has occurred. This sensation generally passes as evidence of the loss becomes unavoidable. Another common and related emotional response is a feeling of numbness. This is the mind’s way of protecting itself. Other common responses are feelings of guilt for surviving. In cases of protracted illness, a feeling of relief that a loved one has passed on can cause guilt. Feelings of anger also arise during the grieving process and may directed inward, at the person who is gone or at another source. It is a natural reaction to caste blame.
Emotional responses to grief also manifest themselves in physical form. Many of these physical reactions to grief are similar to those found in people coping with depression. Sleep changes are often noted in those going through the process of grief. Many people encounter difficulties sleeping, others find that they are excessively drowsy and can’t get enough sleep. A lack of concentration is also notable in many people coping with the loss of a loved one. People find that they are more easily distracted in their daily lives. It is also normal to have unexpected emotional responses to other things, like crying unexpectedly or having angry outbursts.
The emotions that surround a loss can seem overwhelming. This is normal. Losing a loved one is easily one of the greatest challenges we face in our lives. Grief never affects just one part of your life. The process of grief allows us to move through these different emotions and physical responses so that we can go on with our lives.