Early Stages of Grief
When coping with a loss, there are a number of stages that occur early on, as immediate reactions to the loss. The most common of these early stages of grief are denial, bargaining and anger. Not everyone experiences all of these stages, and they are not necessarily experienced in a particular order.
One of the most frequently experienced stages of early grief is denial. Often times, this is where grief begins. On learning of a loss, the mind simply refuses to accept the new information. This is what people are talking about when they say that it feels like a dream or that it is happening to someone else.
Denial is one of the most basic self-defense mechanisms that the human mind possesses. By refusing to accept the information, we are protecting ourselves from accepting something we are not prepared for. People generally pass through the denial stage fairly quickly as we come to accept that a loved one is gone.
Another stage of grief comes out of a different type of coping mechanism. The bargaining stage is a desperate attempt to undo what has been done. Bargaining is our way of trying to find hope even in the face of logic. When people are going through the bargaining stage of grief, they frequently try to think what they could have done differently to change the situation. The mind becomes stuck in this pattern, trying to successfully resolve something that is already done. The bargaining phase is where people appeal to a higher power to change something that is unalterable.
It is only natural to try to look for some way to alter what has happened. While it is very normal to go through a phase of bargaining, it is unwise continue in the stage over a long period of time because it prevents you from moving into the stages of grief where healing begins.
A frequent early stage of grief that can be confusing for many is anger. This usually comes after the irrationality of denial and bargaining has passed. Once a person has accepted the irreversible fact of a loss they often respond with anger. This anger can be directed at many placed. People are often angry with themselves. They blame themselves and are filled with rage that they did not prevent the death of their loved one. People may be angry with someone who caused, or who they perceive as having caused the death of a loved one, whether it is a doctor, or the other driver in a car accident. People may be angry with the person they lost as well. Anger, again, is a self-defense mechanism. Rather than feeling sorrow, we feel anger and cast blame.
Going through a stage of anger is a very normal reaction to a loss. Like all of the early stages of grieving, going through it is normal, but it is not good to hold onto for very long.