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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

No sit-down nursing job available

I followed up today on a lead for a job, doing MDS+ work at my former place of employment.  I was told they had handled the 
help shortage inhouse so there was no need for my services.

I was only mildly disappointed.

It has come down to a choice between doing MDS+ work  at a nursing home or retire from nursing, and find a part time job doing something other than nursing.  That really sounds good to me.  My back and hip are becoming very demanding.  If I stand for long, my lower back and hip start to hurt.  If I sit for long, my hip  really hurts and the pain travels in waves down my leg to my knees, then back up to my lower back.  I can't work like this for more than 10 minutes without breaking into tears.

Even doing dishes and mild housework is becoming difficult. I see my mother working in spite of  her tremendous pain, and I just want to tell her to sit down and we'll do it for you.  But she would never hear of that, not in her own home.  So we just try to help her as we can. Chatting while drying the dishes she has just washed makes for great bonding times.

So now that I have made my decision to retire from nursing, I can start going through my home and remove the items I have used for so many years.  The stethoscopes I have purchased over the years, the hundreds of nursing books, medication books, weight loss books that are not being used, obviously, will all go online for sale.  I have an eBay account, and an account.  I will start using those again.

I still have my Pink Zebra and my Paparazzi businesses, and I'm actively searching for a storefront to move all of that to a store to sell them.  I hope to take in consignments of crafts, art, quilts, crocheted and knitted items.  I think it would go over pretty well, as there are some very talented craftsmen and many artists in this area.

So, as I prepare to go to bed, I will dream of working toward my store, which I will share with a couple of friends, and the freedom from nursing.  I enjoyed my nursing career.  I loved taking care of the elderly, and may still volunteer at nursing homes from time to time.  I could call bingo, read their mail and just talk to them. My license is still active, so I could be RN coverage for a while. But I can no longer work the floor, doing the med passes, treatments, where I would have to get  up and down from the floor or bending over the beds.

I have reached the point where my health must be a priority if I want to keep living until my grandchildren are grown.  So, why do I feel so guilty?  Why do I feel like I'm letting everyone down...especially my dear husband who is retirement age already and feels he can't retire for a while yet?  Am I being selfish?  I guess time will tell.

Lord, please show me the way you want me to go. Help me to find the wisdom to see your path, and the courage to follow it. Amen.

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