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Saturday, September 18, 2010

White Lies

This was an exercise in a Writer's Village University course that I enjoyed writing. It's a tongue in cheek set of 4 letters written to different people to cover for a forbidden outing. Definitely fiction, so I hope no one is offended. Keep your sense of humor as you read it. Have a great day!

October 29, 2007

Mr. Hugh Hefner
2345 Playboy Lane
Los Angeles, California 01107

Dear Mr. Hefner:

Thank you so much for inviting me to pose for your expose on former Playmates. I have missed the “life” for a long time, but since marrying 35 years ago, I have been very busy with my own magazine, True Confessions.

While my figure is not quite the same as it was back in 1972, I have tried to stay in shape by doing aerobics and swimming. My tan is only starting to fade, so it will only take a little touch-up to get back to a healthy glow.

My ten children are fully grown now, with children of their own. My husband believes they are all his. He has no idea that one of them is actually yours. I am confident that you wish this to remain a secret between us. The proceeds from my posing will go toward Little Johnny’s education.

As per your instructions, I will be at the Mansion promptly at 7:00 a.m. on November 5, 2007. Please make payment in cash. I do not wish to explain this “job” to the IRS, if you know what I mean.

It will be a pleasure to work with you once more.

Until we meet again,

Anita Gray

Dear Gary,

Just a note to let you know that I won’t be home the weekend of Nov. 5. Mom called and invited me to go to a wedding with her on Saturday in St. Louis. I know you hate to go to these things, and besides, you have that big golf tournament in Chicago that weekend.

The dog will be at the vet’s being spayed over that weekend. If the kids call while I’m gone, give them my love and tell them to call my cell phone.

I have several meals in the deep freeze ready to microwave if you get home before I do.

I’ll miss you,


Oct. 29

Dear Mom and Dad,

Hi, how are you? I hope you are both taking your medications. Dr. Newman said it is vitally important that you take your pills every day. You know I worry about you.

Gary’s birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, so I am trying to plan a surprise gift for him. It will require my traveling to Los Angeles to buy a special gift I have my eye on for him. But I need your help in keeping the secret. He will be going to a golf tournament the weekend of Nov. 5, so that would be the perfect time to pull this trip off. I told him we are going to a wedding in St. Louis together that weekend. Will you help me by telling just this one little white lie? I’ll be eternally grateful.

If you need to reach me, you can call my cell. I’ll have it with me the entire weekend.

I’m planning on being there for Thanksgiving dinner. What would you like me to prepare and bring to eat? Are you having turkey or ham? I could bring the pumpkin pie or those homemade cinnamon rolls you love?

Give me a call if you have any questions.

Dear Fr. Mancino,

I’m sorry, but I will be unable to play the organ for the Mass on Nov. 5. I am going with my mother to a wedding in St. Louis. I have arranged for Mary Gilbert to take my place that day.

I should be back in time to teach catechism on Nov. 10.

You can call my cell if you have any questions.

Friends in Christ,


1 comment:

  1. Oh this was too too funny. I loved it. Thanks for sharing the link to your blog.
    Von the Skunk


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